Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Working Mom Conundrum

Last summer, I re-entered the workforce. In my working experience, I went from a full time employee and a student to a stay at home wife then mom and on to a working mom for nearly a year. Then I took a month off and went back to being a stay at home mom.

I'll get back to that in a moment if that last sentence was slightly confusing....

But let me tell you, being a mom- working or staying at home (I would NEVER call you a non-working!) is hard. Hats off to moms in general. There is no easy choice...

No matter which camp you are in, there are no true vacations, sick days, or time off- paid or otherwise.

And don't even get me started on the whole mess childcare and day care can be, even if your family is pitching in and helping out.

I thought I would be so happy to come back home after being in the workforce this past year. And I was. But I missed it. I missed talking to adults and the daily challenges that came from the workforce arena. So, I was approached by another place of business, which I will not name here for security reasons, and I took the job. Another 40 hour week job. Away from Vera.

And I like working. But I also like staying at home.
I miss adults. I miss her.
I love contributing to the household finances. I love that my husband enjoys supporting his family.
I enjoy working as a team in the work environment towards common goals.
I enjoy relaxing at home where my only worries are keeping a clean house and a healthy, happy family.

I sometimes just don't know exactly what I am, I keep bouncing around from wanting to stay at home to wanting to go to work...

At the end of the day I'm a mom. And I work. And I don't. And I like it. And I don't.

It's quite the conundrum and maybe I'll figure it out exactly one day.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Wordless Wednesday- New Shoes

Back In Action

I know I've posted a similar blog many many many times but with some new changes, I'm able to come back to blogging hopefully.

I was burnt out.
I had nothing to say...shocking to those that know me in person!
My computer was in terrible shape- but hello new laptop!
I live in rural Texas- I finally have reliable internet! Yay!
I went back to work...That was short lived though due to childcare issues so I'm back to being a stay at home mom, more on that later.

I've been really gone from all social media for the better part of 6 months. Maybe more? I'm not sure anymore. I don't even know where to start anymore.
It's not really a pregnancy blog anymore, I don't think we'll be having any more babies anytime soon for reasons that are our own.

The blog also needs a HUGE update on design and information. Hopefully I can tackle all that soon enough with time and patience. A two year old that's as active and rambunctious as Vera is tends to leave little time to just sit still and be.

Then there's Rhys (pronounced Reese, which is Welsh for David...the more you know ;) and he's a handful but we love him. Him and Vera are as thick as thieves and manage as much mischief as possible.

But I'm going to try this again. This time I mean it.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Where I've Been

It has been over a month since I've posted last and sadly, the lag between posts prior to that has also been something substantial enough. 

And I'm sorry.

If I have any readers left, sorry to leave y'all hanging. But I also know that my own life has little to no impact on your lives so I don't carry that guilt with me either. 

I am, however, going to try to maybe start this back up. Slowly. Surely. Sporadically at first, I'm certain. 

You see, my career has made some leaps of the late. And then the sickness hit our household. Hard. Imagine Christmas Eve, you feel less than splendid. Wake up Christmas morning to a full blown respiratory infection of the sinus and lungs. Laryngitis. The flu made its rounds. More respiratory illness galore. We keep passing it to each other, I swear. Also, I've alternately taken and given so much vitamin C I might become a part time vitamin rep. Kidding. I don't have the time. 

Back to my job. I'm full time now. And I'm also a supervisor now at my branch. I've got to be careful about what I say online and to not associate myself with anything that could even begin to look detrimental to the reputation of the institution. 

And I'm learning how to add this whole working thing to the balance beam juggling act of mother, wife, friend, and house maid (and occasional blogger I suppose) 

So please, bear with me while I figure this all out. The balance-juggle act. How to get well and stay well this coming year. How to blog and be online again. I'm feeling like I'll be re-learning it all. 

How do you manage it all? Divide and conquer? Straight up super mom skills? What are your secrets? 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Vera Turns 2

Monday. On Monday Vera will be 2 years old. I can't even... She was so sleepy tonight that for the first time in a long time she wanted me to cuddle and hold her and sing and it made me remember all the long nights I stayed up cuddling, rocking, singing, holding, shushing at all hours. 

And I remember feeling like the minutes were hours and the hours were days and that daylight took a week to hit the sky every morning. And I remember being so tired I felt it in my bones, that muscle aching weariness that seeps into your soul and makes you weep hot tears. And I remember at least one night she just wouldn't sleep for even a minute and she just cried and cried until we both sat in the floor and cried together. 

But I remember the sun rises, so beautiful out of her nursery window- picturesque scenes painted by God's own brush to greet us every morning together. But I now know when I smell the top of her head, it won't have that unique, unbottleable newborn baby smell. Her little rolls of arms and legs have lengthened and are strong and leaner and longer. And they take her places. And she prefers to be tucked in, not rocked to sleep. 

But mostly, I remember having the fleeting notion that I would probably miss this moment in the future, miss her tiny baby-ness and all it encompassed. 

And I do. 

I'll never get those moments back. And when she's throwing a tantrum over which sippy cup or stuffed animal to take with her when we tell her only one, when she refuses to wear the same pair of socks for more than an hour, when she's running laps around the church after service and we're trying to say goodbye and get home for some lunch- I miss the stillness of those nights we had together. 

And one day, I'm going to be missing her as a toddler, running us ragged. But right now, we're busy making those memories we are going to miss. Sitting on the couch with Daddy and watching movies. Her unhealthy obsession with Hello Kitty. Asserting opinions on what to wear and what to eat and what to do. Giggles and dancing and feeding mommy plastic potatoes, saying, "mmm good huh?" 

I'm going to try to enjoy this age. 

Happy (early) 2nd Birthday to my baby. 

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