Motherhood Should Come With A Manual

Or at least a trouble shooting manual like you'd get with a microwave or a new washing machine.

But no, you give birth and they hand you this tiny little stranger in a thick blanket and after a day or so together in a controlled environment, complete with housekeeping and 3 meals delivered to you a day if you did it in a hospital, they wish you the best of luck and off you go with a few reminders that shaking your baby is bad and to come see your chosen pediatrician in a few days and your lady parts doc around the same time.

And you get through it. Sometimes with stumbling blocks {I've now learned to called these "stepping stones"} like anxiety or depression or even just a mild case of the baby blues. You've got everyone offering to babysit sometime, your mom and mother in law will sometimes stop in if you live close enough or make a trip if you're lucky to help out and meet their newest object of affection.

You eventually get over the lack of sleep, you figure out a rough routine, and life gets to a point of being your new normal. And probably around 9-10 months into the first year, you're confident you got this. You have figured out all the things. Parenthood is awesome (and I agree) and nothing can stop you now! Whooooo!

Until toddlerhood.

It's fun. Until, ya know, it's not and your child is screaming at you with real tears pouring down their face because you saved them from a broken neck or food poisoning or certain death/loss of limbs. Because...HOW UNFAIR!



How dare you cut that toast into strips when you KNOW it tastes better as a whole slice?!
How dare you refill my empty sippy cup?!
How dare you keep me from eating a live June bug?!



Oh, the emotions and drama. And even when you do something they want {like picking them up when they reach for you} there will bound to be tears at some point because they wanted up AND down. At the same time. Who cares that it is physically impossible to have mommy carry you and you walk on your own at the exact.same.time. They want it that way and no other compromises will work!

They find the very best reasons {and places!} to lose their dang minds and who cares about the laws of the universe?!

And you will be tested by a toddler in the aisles of the grocery store and you will learn you are not Jesus in the desert ;)

But it will all be well {right?! promise?!} This storm will pass. As will the others. But don't you wish we have some kind of manual for each specific model {child} that would at least sorta help us navigate the choppy waters of this sea of parenting...

Yea, me too.

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Mommy Wears A Bikini & Stretchmarks Proudly

I still remember the feelings of shame, embarrassment, hurt, anger...disappointment I felt when I had my miscarriage. All of these emotions directed at no one or no other thing other than myself. At my body. I felt like my body had failed me. Had failed what it was created to do, to bear and sustain life. And I felt robbed.

I feel robbed of things a lot. But I am also proud of my body, happy with my body. Sure, my boobs sit about 2 inches lower than they used to without a push up bra to help lift and separate {and OMG is it a pain in the rear to find a push up bra in my size without the little sales clerk in Victoria's Secret look at me in shock and then horror then panic because, oh Lord, who would want big boobs to look EVEN BIGGER?! I then I have to break it down, pregnancy makes these bad boys look a little wore out and tired and I don't want them to look bigger, I just want them to be put back into place without the ol nip and tuck, yo}

But today? Today I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I was angry. Oh man, I was so so angry. And then disappointed.

I took Vera swimming. She loves to be in or near the water, she's like her Mama, I'm afraid ;) I used to live in the water! Still do when I get a chance. There's nothing like it. But I'm getting off track here, let's try again-

I took Vera swimming. And of course, because I'm not going to miss out on some water fun and because I'm not a fan of letting my toddler play in water without me basically holding her hand {the fear of her drowning and then remembering that I'm no longer up to date on my CPR and First Aid certs? I shudder!} I go with her into the pool. And of course, I'm in a swim suit.

Now let's back it up a little. I bought the cutest bikini two years ago, blue and green zebra print for supah cheap at WalMart. Cause I'm cool like that. And I like to save money. Last year, while it still fit, it was a tad snug in the breast area but I was swimming in a private pool, no big deal. And my breast and hip size was constantly changing and stuff even then thanks to breastfeeding and finally losing some more weight at the time. So I didn't see the need to buy a new suit. This year, I have just been lazy, I've got a million and 3 different bikinis and screw it, I can still wear whatever the heck I want.

Or at least I thought so...

a "lady" I know (and by know, I mean we've seen each other around, said hey, how ya doin' kind of know, not know and invite to a BBQ or my kid's birthday party kind of know...I don't even have the girl on facebook) comes up to me and informs me that she'd be embarrassed to wear a bikini with such an unsightly stomach. She just couldn't imagine and just, sigh, how brave I am to bare it for the world to see my stretch marks.

Now, you other Southern ladies know what tone I'm talking about when I said she simpered this, right? For those that aren't "in the know" (and you know I love y'all!) it was the "Bless Your Heart" kind of tone. Or the fake sweet, trying to disguise the hatefulness thing. Whatever, I think you get what I mean by now.

Y'all? I was LIVID!!!!!!!

She basically told me I should be ashamed to wear a bikini in public. Cause I have stretch marks.

So, here it is, in all my marked up, chunky lovin' glory.

No photo filters. No photoshop. And especially no shame.

Every lump. Every mark. Every line. Every little dimple in the skin where it's soft and smooth and discolored. Every bit of it is beautiful to me. I used to hate them until I had this little realization.

But next time someone works up the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't show my tummy because of how it looks, I'll refrain from making a similar comment about their face cause I'm better than that {and also not so quick of a thinker 50% of the time...and not so mean} I'll point to my daughter, maybe introduce them to Vera, and tell that hateful, non-filtered mouthed, rude person that it's the most beautiful thing about me, my stomach. Every part that they perceive as a blemish is something I earned from doing something amazing- growing my daughter. My body held her in perfect comfort while she was formed and I wouldn't change it in the world.

Maybe one day more people will realize the beauty of a "lived in" body.

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Missing: Life's Answer Key

Do you remember back in school, especially in the back of like an algebra book, it would sometimes give for either the sample questions or the odd questions an answer key?

If you don't, sorry your textbooks weren't as awesome as ours :)

Anyways, I just want to know where can I find life's answer key?

I've been so mixed up and so lost feeling lately. Wednesday was another "anxiety day" as I was making a 45 minute trip to the next bigger town over. I had just read that morning about Jeep Liberty and Grand Cherokee's having gas tank explosion issues in wrecks and surprise, surprise! My Liberty is right in the middle of the time bracket. So, of course, all I could think about was how long did I have to get us out in case of a wreck? Would I at least have time to get Vera out of the car before it exploded, even if it meant I had to craw into the backseat and literally throw her into a field just to keep her alive, my own life be darned?

Then, of course, because I've already fed the anxiety monster, my mind goes a million ways. Would she wander to a house? Would she get struck by a car? Attacked by wild dogs or coyotes or come across a snake or fall into a creek before they would find the wreck? Before they would realize only I perished and she was still out there lost somewhere? 

And then I'm having to pull the car over, check all the tires, practice breathing, kiss Vera's face a billion times, and I have to pray. And as I start the car up again, I feel it coming on again and I have to pray some more. I turn on the radio and sing praise and worship and pray some more. It seems like the only thing that really keeps the anxiety at bay is to pray. 

And I'm also getting ran down again. I want to sleep more. I'm needing more and more coffee to keep myself running and it's just been an overall bad week or so emotionally and personally (for those wondering, S and I are perfectly fine. This does NOT concern marriage. Had to add that cause the minute you say personal, people start thinking your marriage has gone to junk- it hasn't. Promise!)

I just sometimes wish life had an answer key, this whole trials and testing and tribulations thing is getting a bit old. Even a friendly hints and tips page would be great ;)

Perspective, Tornadoes, and Standard of Living

Everyone has been talking about the tornado that tore an ugly path of destruction through Oklahoma. And they should be. Good. They need help. They need water and supplies and diapers and for people to rally around them as they try to rebuild their homes and their neighbors homes and their psyche. 

And not even 15 minutes later, I see complaints over trivial things, really in the grand scheme of things. 

Just like Tuesday when we were out of power for close to 12 hours. S wanted to stress and complain. But, with everything still fresh on my mind and a close up look into the storm while driving to shelter, I had perspective that he needed reminding of, that I sometimes still need to be reminded of, a perspective that we all need to try and keep.

We have 4 walls and roof over our head. 

We have water readily available at the turn of a handle. {so much so some refuse to drink it from a tap and will buy it in a bottle!}

We have food in our pantry, even when we complain that there's nothing to eat. 

We have clean clothes in one piece and shoes- without holes in the soles! 

We have diapers for our baby. 

We have an income. 

We have air conditioning again. And heating in the winter. 

Many families since the tornado don't have all these things readily available. 

Many Americans don't have these things consistently. 

Many from all over the world know how blessed we are to have abundant food on the table and to have enough clothes that you wouldn't have to do laundry for 2-3 weeks and still have things left in the closet and dresser to wear, even if it wasn't seasonaly appropriate. 

Our children have shoes and education and snacks and stupid plastic toys. 

I'm not writing this to make anyone feel bad but we need to be aware of how blessed we really are to have these things readily available. And I'm not talking only 3rd world countries. There are shoeless and hungry children in our "more developed" countries. 

I'm not saying you can't complain cause Lord knows I do my share of asking "why," but maybe when we feel like crying and play the poor, pitiful me game when things are back to our own personal standard of living, we need to keep in perspective just how lucky we are. 

Vent over. 

Unique Texas-Inspired Baby Names

Finding the right baby name is never an easy task - while it can be incredibly exciting to whip out the trusty notepad and pencil and start dreaming up potential monikers, the decision-making process can turn stressful all-too-easily. There are so many factors to consider, like whether to stick to the traditional bible-based names or to have your child stand out from the crowd. If the choices of celebrity parents like Beyoncé and Reese are any indicator of what is currently trending, distinctly nontraditional baby names are all the rage. This got me thinking - with people often turning to what is near and dear to their hearts to serve as a muse, what could be some unique, Texas-inspired baby names? Love them or hate them, here's some fun (and quirky) ideas below!

Caddo - Texas has only one natural lake in the entire state, and that is the breathtaking Caddo Lake. This body of water's moniker was given to honor the Caddoan Native Americans who once resided by its blue waters. Boasting the largest Cypress forest in the world, this protected area is burgeoning with diverse wildlife both in the trees and beneath the mirror-like surface of the lake (alligator sightings are not uncommon). Every Texan must, at least once in their lifetime, canoe among the whimsical cypress woodland that rise from the watery surface. Caddo is the perfect female name, exhibiting beauty, virtue and enchanting enigma.  

Nelson - An emerging trend is to have last names become first names, so your child will be carrying a very modern name when you pay homage to the Texan songwriter Willie Nelson. A famous singer and guitarist, he helped shape the face of country music ever since he first entered the spotlight in 1950. An innovator, this Texan blended country, folk, jazz and rock to create such hits as “On the Road Again” and “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain”. Despite his superstardom, Willie Nelson never lost touch with his roots and has played an energetic role in various causes like helping to protect family-owned farms. This American icon's legacy has endured for decades, and has made Texans proud.  

Zilker - The state capital, Austin, holds a distinct (and proudly weird) charm, and no place exhibits the unique flair quite like Zilker Park. Bursting with lush greenery in the middle of a metropolitan, one-of-a-kind art is abounding with the UmLauf Sculpture Garden, as well as with the routine rotation of live music festivals. Within the park's limits is the Barton Springs pool, a natural spring that is warm year round and attracts both locals and travelers from afar. Zilker is a prime choice for parents who love the park's blend of rustic lure and contemporary quirkiness that is set against the picturesque natural loveliness.

Crockett - Though Davy Crockett was a Tennessee native, he gave his life in the Texan Revolution at the famous Battle of the Alamo. Characterized by his humor and honesty, he was a soldier, a politician, an orator, a rugged frontiersman, a fiddle-player, a writer and, during his life and years after, a legend. He courageously embraced odds that weren't in his favor, whether he was confronting a wild bear, standing up for the average citizen in congress or raising the morale of the ill-fated defenders of the Alamo. Crockett would be a fantastic first or middle name for a newborn boy whose parents want to raise a gutsy leader and innovative thinker.

Taysha or Tejas - While there is much speculation about where the inspiration for Texas's name comes from, a common theory is that its origins can be traced back to the word Taysha, which means “friends or allies” among the local Native American tribes of the Hasinais and the Canddoan. When this word fell on Spanish ears, it was converted to Tejas, which is the phrase on which the great state's name is based upon today. This root expression carries a powerful message of what was intended for Texans, one that continues to resonate today with the state motto being simply “friendship”. This name conveys a parent's wish for friendliness and honor, as well as Texan-pride and unity.

Tell me parents, where did you find inspiration for your child's name, and would you ever consider a handle that is inspired by your home state or town?

Though Lynn Matteis has leapfrogged all across the Midwest and Southwest Untied States, this Dallas native will always be a Texan at heart. Raising a family of three (four if you include the new puppy, Marbles) has provided her with plenty of inspiration for both DIY projects and writing. In her free time, she likes to go hiking and steal the occasional hour with a Jane Austin novel.

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Thanks, Lynn, for your take on Texas-Inspired Baby Names. I never thought of using my state as inspiration for a baby name, to be honest, but I do like the ring of Crockett for a little boy... Vera's name is actually musically inspired!

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